Mulgore's architecture can be charitably described as "primitive" and less charitably as "retarded."
Part 4 of the Summer of Warcraft series.
I was progressing along nicely with my human paladin on the Bloodscalp server of World of Warcraft , waiting patiently for my brother-in-law to log in sometime this week and show me around the place with his level 80 something or other.
Then I got the following message from him:
See, here’s the thing. You breath the homo air of the Alliance…..the Alliance! (say that last part like Charlie Murphy saying pancakes….pancakes!)
I sir, fight for the Horde. So I just assumed that you chose a Blood Elf Pally and joined the awesome power of the dark side.
On the plus side we can kill each other….which is cool.
*sigh* I don’t have the expansions. Goodbye, level 11 human paladin. Hello, level 1 troll priest.
On second thought, maybe not. The troll homeland, Durotar, is some kind of atomic orange desert wasteland looking like it was imported from a Wile E. Coyote cartoon. Everyone talks in bad Jamaican accents. My priest character was unacceptably ugly, weak and slow. I lasted until level 6 and then nuked her.
Now, I’m the proud owner of a Tauren hunter. I’m tired of manipulating people into killing for me, so I got a character with a gun and a hatchet. But the racial stereotypes continue. The Taurens are the Pacific Northwest Indians of the Warcraft racial rainbow, and their homeland is in “Mulgore,” the type of country name you only find in bad fantasy novels and video games. At least there are no references to “wampum” or “white men.” There is a prospecting company, though. And lots of totems and quite serious-sounding talk of the “Earth Mother.”
The experience thus far has been more eventful than playing a more supporting class, but no less grueling and grinding. Most quests are variations on “cull this herd and bring me pieces of it.” This sounds easy enough until you realize that somehow most of the enemies don’t have the necessary items. You kill 20 wildcats just to get 4 wildcat paws. Is this game seriously suggesting that the half dozen rounds of lead shot that I put into each victim is enough to irretrievably break all four of its paws? I smell an artificial game-lengthening device (It’s a MeMORPeGah, go figure).
This device is especially outrageous in the dwarf-killing episode, where you have to collect 5 pickaxes and then take them to the forge in downtown Thunderhorn (That’s the name? Seriously?) to have them broken. I went to said forge and proceeded to do what any adventure game veteran would do. I left-clicked on my collected pickaxes, pointed at the forge which lit up like a Christmas light, and clicked again.
Would you like to destroy the Dwarf Pickaxes?
Yes, my good man! With all speed!
Then…nothing. I did not get any broken tools back in order to take back to Bloodhoof and finish my quest. It was then that it dawned on me that my five pickaxes, representing the bullet-riddled corpses of dozens of dwarfs, had been deleted along with a half hour of my life that I will never get back. So, can someone tell me why Blizzard decided to use the verb “destroy” for deleting items instead of “drop,” like every other RPG in the history of ever?
